The Confusion Theory

I grew up mostly away from my parents (there was my grandma there for a bit, but she’s mainly there to make sure I was sufficiently fed on a daily basis) and I have said this too many times: I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s how I shape my perspectives and opinions, how I know more about myself than anyone will ever claim they do. Other people may be able to do it when they live at home. I can’t. I’m sorry I’m wired in a way that I had to leave and jump from place to place to learn this much.

I love living in different parts of the world. If I ever have the chance, I would live in one place for one year and then move on to another, even if I have to do it by myself. I’m comfortable with being alone. Unfortunately, I am not a travel show host and I need to earn some experience and money to advance in society, so here I am thrown right back into this dump.

But I have plans to escape, through small steps, but eventually, I see myself living in Europe. I don’t know how but hopefully I’ll get there (I don’t care if China is the next big thing). Sadly, my family is less than thrilled when I tell them about my long-term plan. Questions like : “why would you want to live far from mom & dad?” or my mom’s favorite “what if i get sick? who will take me to see the doctor?” (my parents see doctors once a year) and my least favorite of all :”Don’t you love us? why don’t you want to live near us?”

Parents, do not EVER ask your kids if they love you, it’s annoying. Unless they have abandonment/abuse issues involving you, you really don’t need affirmation. If they really hate you, you can tell.

I LOVE my family. I may not believe in the notion of “romantic love” but if it’s my family, don’t nobody mess around telling me I don’t give a crap.  If teleportation is a possibility, I would see them every two hours, wherever I am in the world until they get sick of me and then I would do it every two hours and ten minutes. But as a person, you can’t stay in your comfort zone forever, and hard as it may be, you need to learn to stretch the strings a little bit further. From all my years of living away from them, I appreciate my parents even more, it’s the fact that I’ve spent a big part of my life without them that allows me to let it go for a bit if it gets a little too suffocating here. I don’t take them for granted like some kids I’ve seen around. I know some people who actually refuse to spend any time with their parents and get pissed off when they call. Not me. I like spending time with mom & dad, although they prefer to watch their tv dramas.

So, in conclusion: That phrase “when you love someone you’ve got to learn to let them go” is not a bunch of meaningless crap.I’m sorry if my plan involves some sort of physical distance, but it’s what I feel I have to do in this short life. I don’t know if I’m going to be happy, but let me find out. I can’t limit myself just because of your fears and doubts.

Thanguvuhramuhj.

Living in this dump this side of the planet didn’t expose me to any sort of hype or viral marketing that J.J Abrams worked so hard for when it comes to Cloverfield. I was a little bit apprehensive about the movie especially since The Blair Witch project made me want to hurl. I even considered taking some sort of Dramamine beforehand. But it was a spur of the moment decision and besides, I really like the headless Liberty .

For a while, as the CGI-induced destructions unfold, I regretted watching this movie because it reminded me of 9/11 . But that was only for a moment, because for the rest of the movie, I was totally loving it. Except for the saving the whiny little slut part. Completely unnecessary cliché.
Everybody come on, let’s save her life and risk ours, because hells, i banged her.

Surprisingly, I could find very little things that don’t make sense. I’m usually good at nitpicking this sort of movie, but for Cloverfield, I only have a couple. Probably due to the dizziness:
1. The girl can walk & run all the way from Lower East Side to Columbus Circle in 3-inch satin heels. Ok, some people can actually do that, especially New Yorkers. But looking at her pains me.
2. They walked through the dark subway tunnel, again, from Lower East to Columbus and only saw rats towards the end of the journey. That is IMPOSSIBLE! The subway tunnel is a crypt for all things mutant and disgusting. Obv Mr Abrams needs to walk along one. and where are the moles?
3. I may be very technologically challenged, but there is a camera tape that can hold more than 8 hours of footage?

Cloverfield (I still don’t know what that exactly is) makes me feel a little better about not living in New York. Manhattan is always the first to go in disaster movies. Not Queens, not Brooklyn, probably because nothing to destruct there except for a couple of bodegas and Targets. BORING.

I can’t wait til they have a Cloverfield ride in Universal Studios. Please, JJ Abrams, sell the rights!

I miss having my own kitchen. I’m a lousy cook, but I love baking. I’m extremely shitty at that one too, still not a deterrent, though. In my large one-bedroom apartment in Chicago, armed with Nigella Lawson’s How to Become a Domestic Goddess book, I created several weird looking  & inedible (except by Sari) stuff while watching cable. Those were the days. 

Can’t do none of that at home right now. My mother is so judgmental when it comes to kitchen stuff. I made guacamole once and she looked appaled by the green thing, until she tried it and ended up eating the whole tupperware with chips that same night.

Don’t even get me started on making a teeny bit of mess in her kitchen.

Anyway, I am crazy about chocolate cakes right now, so I want to bake this…

Molten Chocolate Cake (via Dessert First)

It probably won’t come out looking anywhere near that, but even if I fail, it’s still chocolate, I’ll still eat it.

I know I can probably buy that somewhere, but it’s mostly the process that I crave. It relaxes me. I need any form of relaxation right now. That and fresh air.Sometimes at work, I am reminded of how possibly toxic the place is, and I get so scared of breathing. Circulation is so bad, especially since they just installed  these bloody heavy new doors, which are to be closed at all times. I think I smell fungi or something damp in my office. Glad I’m getting out in a week!

Everyone knows how much I bloody hate to drive in this dump, but it’s the only way to get around if you want to stay safe without going broke. I was driving to work yesterday morning when suddenly, this motorcyclist banged on my window repeatedly like crazy. All because my right rear view  sort of nudged his right handle bar. He wasn’t even hurt and if anything, it was my mirror that got bent.
Wa Wa Wa. What a fucking baby.

I didn’t bother to say sorry or whatevs because I don’t deal with trash so early in the morning. And he doesn’t deserve my apology if he’s being such a dickwad. While he was being the crazy maniac that he is, I watched him from inside and thought of a primate which resembles this piece of shit. People here are so fucking violent. They spend their lives not knowing how to chillax and then they detonate at any moment.

I can’t live here. There are a few places in the world that I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life in: One is this dump, the other China (There are also a couple depressing parts of the US, but I won’t go into that).
Unless the general population undergo a genetic mutation that will allow them to evolve into something less violent / ignorant/ shallow/ perverted/disgusting/all of the above.

In short: less of an idiot.

I also can’t stand the fact that some shops/malls haven’t bought a new cd since 1989. I know that’s irrelevant, but that irks me. I like retro songs, but when I shop, I don’t like to be reminded of how old I’m getting, it’s depressing. If I’m not wrong, you want me to buy your stuff, right? and not weep in the middle of the store for my lost youth?

I am so getting the hell out of here.